Truth Be Told

my life, thru my eyes

Friday, October 08, 2004

10-8-04 | 2 days later...

last time i posted...i was angry. i was angry because of the walls wehad put up and everything that wasnt goin on between us...yeah, i said i wasnt mad, and thats true. i wasnt writing from an angry persons point of view. i was jus explaining my whole situtation. we had a discussion about that after i wrote it. at first, she was mad at me - so she decided to act a fool, AGAIN! oh yeah, i didnt tell u about how she thought we "wont stand the test of time" because i hadnt replied when she said hi...rewind to 10-3-04 ru serious?!...that was when that happened.

anyway, she thought it was best i leave her alone as well...that jus surprised me. cuz i thought that she was a better person than that...u know, like she would try to hold on to a shred of me...she jus said "u have to watch out for ur own good right?", "hey, it works for me" thing about me is, ive learned how to vent, let it all out and use patience to solve a problem. when she wrote all those things (IM) i explained to her that of course i dont want us to end. that was the point of the whole message. but she was upset as well, so i understood. by the end of that day, we were cool again...

fast forward to yesterday...

i woke up yesterday morning. as usual, my friend came to mind. the thought of her made me smile, but not as much as usual. i was confused, and worried. we had jus agreed that it was best if we didnt hang out so much. and i would have to go another day without seeing her. but i thought hey, its cool, right? i was workin on some chemistry stuff and decided to reply a message she had sent me earlier. then she told me that she really missed me and wanted to see me - my heart almost melted.

we agreed to meet up that day after our classes were over...i immediately started to imagine what it would be like to see her again. she is beautiful. i realised how much we like each other, and for the first time, i realised that she might love me. i dont know how to explain that, but...she might love me...im not goin to say she loves me, cuz i dunno what love is...im jus startin to understand.

so...

...we had our first kiss yesterday. i was feelin very scared to do anything, but i jus decided to rest my head on her shoulder. i noticed that she responded by puttin her arm around me. then we started to hold and touch each other - in a mild kinda way. later, i leaned in and kissed her. she responded so passionately...i was overwhelmed by the whole thing. she was the second girl i was goin to kiss - yeah i said it. i jus couldnt see how someone like her, was kissing someone like me, like that. made me question my worth, as i knew it...

but...it happened. *sigh* for the first time in a while, i jus felt special.

anyway, thats what happened yesterday. i dont care how close we get. the only time i would get mad, is if she were jus plain leading me on - u know, the early stages where a girl sends "signals" and the guy thinks she likes him...well lets jus say im not gettin "signals"

i'll write later if somethin interesting happens

*song of the day: water runs dry by boys II men*

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