Truth Be Told

my life, thru my eyes

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

10-5-04 | REflections and DEflections

REflections
Yesterday was…interesting. It was a typical Monday except I was the only one that slept in the house – therefore, I didn’t get a ride to school. Everything else was pretty much the same. I signed on to yahoo messenger and my friend was there. Had a nice, short convo in the “precious moments” IMvironment to remember what we have. Both of us had lectures at the same time so we left and agreed to meet up after class.

We went to the library to study together. We got to spent time together as usual, and the more time I spent with her, the closer I felt to her. I realised that she is very free around me and she acts out her attitude to the fullest (clownin and everything). That’s a good thing. And yes, I still thought of bein with her, but I didn’t do anything or say anything. I jus felt like I would be takin advantage of her feelings…

If it has to stay this way, Im happy with what we have. I dont want anything to change between us. Its a nice feeling to know that someone cares for u. She walked me to class for the first time in weeks and I knew that we were goin to be fine. My plan after class was to give one of my friends a ride to Target. I called her after dropping him off and she said she was hungry. Normally, I would jump at an opportunity to hang with her, but I was startin to utilise some caution. She seemed more interested tho, so I decided to go ahead…

It rained like crazy! I got wet tryin to get an umbrella from the car. Long story short, we ate together and hung out as usual, talking.

I happened to park at a distant parking lot (from her room) against her wishes, and got a parkin citation worth $40. anyway, she walked with me to the parking lot which was about 10 mins from her room, in some (short) shorts and a wife-beater with a sweater on top. Cold? YEAH! She may not know it, but I appreciate her soo much now, more than ever. She does so much for me that sometimes I feel bad…

DEflections
things r looking up. I need to get rid of these “feelings” cuz theyre not workin for me. It puts me in an awkward situation. I want to be with her but she doesn’t want to be with me. Too close to move back and shes taken so I cant move 4ward. I have to sit thru stories about her bf without feelin strange. Truth is, I don’t feel strange, but im not down with O.P.P. don’t get me wrong, shes nice and all but I don’t need to be attracted to her.

Shes very much committed to her bf and she loves him. She just likes me. Thats almost nothing. Its not strong enuff for her to not look me in the eye or feel awkward, for instance, and its not strong enuff for her to want to be close to me (distance-wise). Stuff like that. It pretty much doesn’t show. So, I think its best that I ease out of her way gradually. Its hard for me to find someone like her but I believe it will happen someday sha.

*song of the day: bad man by r. Kelly (go figure)*

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