Truth Be Told

my life, thru my eyes

Monday, October 04, 2004

10-4-04 | enlightenment

this weekend was...one of my happiest, and my all-time most depressing. happiest, because i found out that, for the first time, someone actually accepted me (even tho it wasnt exactly on purpose - and im really sorry about how this happened) and most depressing because i turned my best friend ever (yes! she was my best friend ever) into someone with a burden with my name all over it - that doesnt mean i was depressed tho. jus did a lot of thinking.

if someone were to draw a chart of my thoughts, it would be so incoherent and the patterns would be sooo strong - cuz thats how it was. one moment im thinkin about her, what it would be like to hold her, to kiss her...my heart would get soo warm. but with that thought, would come my conscience. she belongs to someone else. i already said selfishness is not a keyword of mine. i really dont know what to do. she is my favourite person and as much as i regret it, ive sorta become her favourite person.

whats funny is that i had done a good job of surpressing my feelings until she opened up - and that was my fault. i forced her to tell me how she was feelin. im sooo sorry and i feel so silly. i feel soo bad and know it would make sense to keep my distance, but i dont want to lose her to somethin like this...if there were a friend exhibition, i would put her behind glass or somethin...thats where she stands in my book.

dont worry, im ok...

we speak the same love language - quality time. thats the most prominent one. i love spendin time with her so i give her my time. and, lookin at my phone call history and the amount of time we spend together, she loves to give me her time and loves to be with me. THIS IS ALL SOO ODD FOR ME! now im startin to appreciate those bad days - when it seemed like no one could be a real friend to me. but she jus broke down all the barriers and restrictions and came right to my heart.

i have to get ready for a lecture...i hope i see her today, but i'll understand if she doesnt want to hang with me anymore. this is the first lesson that im goin to learn thats not a result of a girl not liking me. *sigh*

i'll write later...

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