Truth Be Told

my life, thru my eyes

Sunday, October 03, 2004

10-2-04 | i have my doubts...

today...was weird. of course stuff happened after my initial post today. and as usual, it involved HER. i cant honestly say ive done somethin today. ive jus been chillin. i pretty much havent donned a shirt today. thats how relaxed ive been. im not even wearin a shirt now. i was home alone for a good part of the day. my sister (roommate) and her friend (same guy from yesterday) went to the mall but i didnt have anything to do there.

anyway...SHE called me today. we talked as usual, as friends. i asked her if she wanted to see a movie but she wanst sure (cuz her bf was comin into town). i was expectin such an answer so i wasnt surprised or concerned. we talked for about an hr b4 hangin up. it was around that time that my sister and her friend got back. this was around 6 pm when the A&M vs. Kansas State game started. i was interested in seein if A&M would deliver for the 3rd straight game - they did. beat up on K-State for 42-30 on 3 rushin TD's from courtney lewis (that boi only had 60 yrds!!!! but 3 TD's!!!! that is the most efficient game ive seen) and regie mcneal wasnt too bad himself - that last minute 62-yard TD was risky but a killa! they didnt disappoint.

but of course, stuff had to happen DURING the game. SHE called me again sayin that she wanted to go watch the movie (i assumed her bf wasnt comin anymore) then less that a minute later, she called again and said i shouldnt worry. normally, i woulda been surprised but i jus decided not to bother myself. u may ask y? its simple. i believe that there is no perfect girl out there. there is no girl that wont do something abrupt - something that may get me upset. lets jus say my expectations r VERY low when it comes to a girls behaviour.

finished watchin the game and my sister went out again to see that movie (it was shark tale, by the way).

here i m.

i could rant about how she may be messin with my head and all that childish stuff but its sooo unnecessary. we're not dating. she has a bf - let them live. i figured, if she decides tomorrow, that she didnt mean what she said or she doesnt like me anymore or wateva, i wont be so attached and i'll be able to step out easily without emotional distress. its kinda like i dont want a committment but i want assurance. as big-headed and pompous as this may sound, a committment would almost be redundant cuz we're pretty committed to each other. we've never discussed that, but its implicit.

its weird but i can feel her emotions...i know that im special to her. she is special to me...

i have to go think again...

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