Truth Be Told

my life, thru my eyes

Thursday, October 14, 2004

10-14-04 | darkness

all i see right now is darkness. im almost broke, my friends r not really the same ones i wanted to be friends with and i cant seem to study the way i want to...its just...dark. everything is dark!

i started out with $200 and i bought some clothes. next thing i knew, i went down into the double digit region. now, i have about $50 or so. not like im goin to be spendin so much but its possible...and its only the 14th.

"my friend" has replaced most of the things that connected us with studying. thats cool tho, i shouldnt complain. i get scared initially if i feel my friends slipping away. they usually assure me that its ok...of course, we always end up not talking anymore but i guess im the only one who thinks thats bad.

i tried to study myself and 4get everyone. its possible to study, yes. but to 4get the ppl that im closest to in the name of studying or while studying...not possible. thats y its hard for me to understand.

i complained to "my friend" about shuttin me out but she pleaded "studyin" so i left her alone. im sooo so tired of ppl sayin theyre studying when they know its not all they do. for some odd reason she decides she wants to have a convo at 12 midnight or wateva. what kinda shyt is that? sometimes it jus feels like shes talkin to me cuz i if we're being forced to talk...i dont need that. i liked her because we connected so well. that connection is breaking but im not goin to say anything about it anymore.

the kiss?
i tried to give her a kiss today and she moved away, laughed and asked "ru serious?" all i know is, embarass me once and im never goin to try again. i pretended to be ok with it but of course i was surprised! she brought me out of feelin restricted into this zone and all of a sudden shes now laughing when i try to do that??? f*cked up! i guess she got what she wanted and now shes tired...

well, thats all 4 today. more stuff happened today but im getting sooo tired of writing and talking about her. there r some things she jus doesnt understand and like every other girl, she never will.

as usual, i dont know whats goin on with her so i must write. but thats it for now.

*song of the day/night: lonely by akon*


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